Waiting

I'm still waiting for my old computer to boot up. I've been working on it for two weeks now. Without my computer, it's pretty hard to write new posts. But here goes on an other computer. Life is complicated. I don't need to say it again. You all know what I'm talking about if you've lifed on earth for more than 5 seconds. But some of us experience it differently, and some of us are asleep at the wheel and just don't realize it. I don't think I ever realized it like this before. I think it's my general disposition to being positive, whatever that means. But I really don't think about all the troubles and complicating factors of my life, except last week when sailing looked like a lot of fun but I couldn't do it because water and I don't agree with each other anymore. But complications are all around me. I'm really not talking about the computer issue anymore. That's just a minor blip. It doesn't even count. Not having a computer allows me time to think about life, work on organization (there's no place to step in my room -- that's because I'm organizing junk that has been stowed away for decades), and work on friendships. These things are all much more enjoyable than email, facebook, and all other sorts of digital entertainment. But the complicating thing is that without reliable access to a computer, the job front is hard to work.

It's been two full weeks now since my job dissolved right in front of me, like that candy I'd been saving since Easter that turned out to be hollow once I'd sucked away at the outer layer for a few minutes. There just wasn't anything left after the initial excitement. But perhaps that's life with a health crisis. I never know what to expect. There are so many things to do in order to try to maintain my professional life -- all of them require a computer. Okay, most of them. I've rediscovered the joy of libraries, though, which help me get by without logging on to the internet. So many magazines to browse that I never would have picked up before. Including the business journals, which, I presume, are there to help me find new local work to do. I'm searching for ideas. Trying to figure out what the next business problem will be so I can solve it. Unfortunatly, that kind of big thinking isn't for me. So most likely I am still looking for tradional work. But we will see where that leads. It's been so long sice I have had to think about making professional cold-calls on people. I used to find that fun, but I don't remember how to find that enjoyment out of it anymore. Perhaps that has gone, along with my former health. But I have not choice. I need to make it fun, otherwise I won't be doing it.

For now, though, I'm waiting out the simple life. I'm not eager to get to the more complicated things. Today, painting; tomorrow, a day of rest; Monday the pressure to get back to a high-tech world will come back around and I'll have to get to that computer, but for now, just a few minutes at a borrowed computer because I was compelled to write, then back to old fashion life. I can't wait!

how's that?

Sometimes I find myself checking my blog, looking to see if there's a new post. There never is? And then I remember that it's my job.

Dear friends, relatives, loved ones, and all those I don't know who still bother to read this

I'm addressing this to everyone. I'm not sure why some of you read it, especially those in the last catagory (of those I don't know). It's 11:30p. Why am I writing? Giddiness perhaps. I've been overly socially stimulated today, and I just don't feel like going to bed. I've decided, like Wooster, to by a Banjolele. Anyone know where to buy one or how to play one? Any insights are appreciated.

I suppose what I really need to say is, I feel great, just a week and a few days after surgery. Thanks for all those who dropped in, thought of me, or prayed for me. The opperation went well. The doctor was pleased. And the nurses loved me (I guess I'm an easy patient to take care of. They even wrote me a nice note when I got home. I wish I could follow up with some of them. They are lovely folks and many of them in quite the right profession). Right, so I feel great. In fact, I forgot I was post-op and started doing some heavy lifting only to be reminded by a big of a pain sensation that I have stitches running up and down my belly -- 3 layers of stitches and "steri-tape" on the outer dermal layer to keep the skin together without stiches. This is all very intreguing to me. I believe the higher incisions bleed a little more than the lower incisions. My last post went into that incision thing in a bit more details, but I believe that some locations are more prone to bleeding than others. Sorry to all those who find this boring.

It is official. Next week I'm going to Chicago to finish things up. Anyone there who wants to see me should be sure to contact me as I'm sure I'll be in great demand :-) Who knows when I might be back there again.

I had better stop writing now, as I think I'm making little-to-no sense as it is so late. Thanks to all my faithful readers. Good night!!

He must increase, and I must decrease

I have been learning a lot through this long illness. In discussing with my mother this afternoon, I have realized that rather than being the most miserable days of my life, these have been some of the Best days of my life -- Days that I wouldn't trade for anything.

Yes, I have incision scars up and down my entire front side, and other places that will go unnamed. Yes, I have an odd appearance such that I will never take feel terribly comfortable in the pool again (I can still dig sand holes and build sand palaces). But these are beside the point.

I have never known friendship the way that I know it now. In the past, my life has been distracted by school, then grad school, then work, then financial worries, and all the cares of this life. I tried to put together a social life in Northern Illinois, but I don't count myself as successful. Everyone was too busy, too far apart, and I'm just not an organizer. Now that I'm in Grand Rapids, I really feel like I have an understanding and an excitement for life. I'm bound and determined to get through this, and rather than sit around, I have more things to do in a day than I could ever imagine. More people to see, more people to write to, more things to think about. I can't even imagine how I get it all done.

I am so thankful for the friends that I always knew that I had, but have come out of the woodwork now that I've made myself more accessable (read: being a local again), who have shown me love and care, who have gone out of their way to do things for me, or just to talk about whatever happens to be on the mind. I feel a true freedom to have real friends and be a real friend. I'm learning what it means to be a friend as I think about what I would like to have in a friend. This has been amazing for me.

Don't think that the only think I'm thinking about is people though. This is like one of those revelations that I had when I finally finished school -- I have Free-time. No one is demanding anything of me. I can learn to write, I can journal, I can find new things to do like drawing, and planting, I can take university classes, and . . . who knows what I'll do. I'm even thinking of starting some sort of money making venture, or volunteer projects for the mean time, for the duration of my sickness.

I am so ready to get better. It may take a while, but I have plans, and I have time to make use of those plans. This is a feeling I've Never had before. Again I say, this is absolutely amazing. I should like to thank each of you individually who have made me think such grand thoughts by being a friend to me, and maybe I will. I hope that I can recipricate.

I truly believe this is God's doing, so that he can prioritize my life in the way that it should be, and not just in the way that I want it to be. I obviously was never able to figure that part out for myself. I am much happier now than I have been my whole life. Praise God with me!