Waiting

I'm still waiting for my old computer to boot up. I've been working on it for two weeks now. Without my computer, it's pretty hard to write new posts. But here goes on an other computer. Life is complicated. I don't need to say it again. You all know what I'm talking about if you've lifed on earth for more than 5 seconds. But some of us experience it differently, and some of us are asleep at the wheel and just don't realize it. I don't think I ever realized it like this before. I think it's my general disposition to being positive, whatever that means. But I really don't think about all the troubles and complicating factors of my life, except last week when sailing looked like a lot of fun but I couldn't do it because water and I don't agree with each other anymore. But complications are all around me. I'm really not talking about the computer issue anymore. That's just a minor blip. It doesn't even count. Not having a computer allows me time to think about life, work on organization (there's no place to step in my room -- that's because I'm organizing junk that has been stowed away for decades), and work on friendships. These things are all much more enjoyable than email, facebook, and all other sorts of digital entertainment. But the complicating thing is that without reliable access to a computer, the job front is hard to work.

It's been two full weeks now since my job dissolved right in front of me, like that candy I'd been saving since Easter that turned out to be hollow once I'd sucked away at the outer layer for a few minutes. There just wasn't anything left after the initial excitement. But perhaps that's life with a health crisis. I never know what to expect. There are so many things to do in order to try to maintain my professional life -- all of them require a computer. Okay, most of them. I've rediscovered the joy of libraries, though, which help me get by without logging on to the internet. So many magazines to browse that I never would have picked up before. Including the business journals, which, I presume, are there to help me find new local work to do. I'm searching for ideas. Trying to figure out what the next business problem will be so I can solve it. Unfortunatly, that kind of big thinking isn't for me. So most likely I am still looking for tradional work. But we will see where that leads. It's been so long sice I have had to think about making professional cold-calls on people. I used to find that fun, but I don't remember how to find that enjoyment out of it anymore. Perhaps that has gone, along with my former health. But I have not choice. I need to make it fun, otherwise I won't be doing it.

For now, though, I'm waiting out the simple life. I'm not eager to get to the more complicated things. Today, painting; tomorrow, a day of rest; Monday the pressure to get back to a high-tech world will come back around and I'll have to get to that computer, but for now, just a few minutes at a borrowed computer because I was compelled to write, then back to old fashion life. I can't wait!