Taking the grand Medical Tour

After 3 months of doctors, I've experience almost every medical device and drug I could ever image. Indeed I've had what I'll call the grand tour of medicine. Over the couse, I've been looking at labels, brand names, trademarks, the latest engineering tricks. I'm a geek. I've come across Hospira, Cardinal Health, AstraZeneca, Stryker. . . you name it. Finally today I came across my first Baxter product, the Flo-Gard pumps (I've worked on them, and the tubing that goes with them!! big star for me). So I was the geek of the moment. And then I spent some time examining the prefilled syringes that I have blood thinner in. It has cool needle-stick engineering prevention (which the nurse couldn't figure out how to use and didn't bother to ask me how to do it (shame on her)). So anyway, I was excited. Finally I got to see something that I make in action, even though I didn't get to use it. With all this medical looking around, I'm hoping that sometime I come up with some new idea that I can work on designing while I'm at home since I'm looking for a good engineering project to do. I'll come up with some cool devise that everyone will want (they'll even make excuses to get sick so they can go to the hospital to use it, that's what I do). Maybe not though.

Could be any day

It's Wednesday. That's what the calender tells me. That's what everyone else tells me. It could be any day for all I can tell. What's the big deal. I wake up. I eat breakfast. I do the normal routines. I don't care what day it is. That's not to say I'm getting appathetic. No, not so. I care very much for what's going on around me, and I very much want to be a part of it for a very long time. I love life. I love the internet. I love my books. I love my friends (give yourself a pat on the back and some warm fuzzies). Life is good. God is kind to me. But with nothing to distinguish the days, they all run into each other.

I was watching a movie, The Hiding Place. I recommend it. It's very good and it might make you think. The main character Corrie is in prison during the Nazi invasion of Holland, and she keeps track of the days by marking on the walls. She notes important occasions: moving from camp to camp; her father's death, etc. Those days are important to her. The whole routine keeps her from getting lost in the monotany of every day. It makes a day important when it's passing is marked. I'm making this up. But I suppose it's important that it is one day and not another. I mark the days from the end of my first round of treatments: 12 days. It's important. I have to have my surgery 6-8 weeks after that, or else surgery starts getting worse, not better. So I guess in some sense I mark the days. Blogging marks the days. It's been 6 days since I posted last. Some of you are probably getting impacient waiting for me to write again (I have to make myself feel important). Since I started writing this post: 13 mins. Enough. Time is moving on without me.

He went shopping, big deal. . .

Yes, today I went out shopping!! on my own! Perhaps not a big deal in the world of normal people. It certainly would not have been a big deal for me a few months ago. But now, it's a big deal! The last time I got out on my own was New Year's Eve. The last time before that? a month earlier. For a time, I was utterly dependent. I could barely even be up long enough to make my own meal. Now, shopping! This is big stuff for me. There will be a time in about a month when I will again be totally dependent, but for now, I'm enjoying a little bit of freedom. What else will I do with my freedom? I don't know. We'll wait and see. My life is still filled with appointments, here, there, everywhere. I even have to get my eyes examined and my teeth cleaned. All those things have been neglected for a long time. It's pathetic, but I pat myself on the back after getting ready in the morning, after eating a meal, after paying a bill. I find these things big accomplishments. You know what I'm feeling if you've ever been down for a few weeks.

I realize I've already spent more than my allotted time talking about something seemingly so unimportant, but it's important to me, so I figured my readers would understand if I spend a small paragraph gloating about it. But that is enough for now. I long for the day when this will all be routine borningness again. Those of you who do these things every day are fortunate to be able to. Injure yourself soon if you haven't in a while and you'll find out how delightful it is to be well again too.

A new book

I've often wondered what I would do if I didn't have a job. I still wonder what I would do, since I haven't figured it out. Although technically I still have a job, I haven't worked it for the last 3 months. Now I have 2 hrs freed-up every day, and I need ideas for what I should do with my new found time. I got a new book from the Reverend called The World of Washington Irving, by Van Wyck Brooks, so that will take up some of the time. I need to take up something useful that doesn't take too much new skill or too much energy.

He may be dead, but at least the cancer's gone

It's a jolly good thing I'm not a doctor. If I were an oncologist, my patients would be in utter agony as I bombard them with radiation and overdose them with chemo -- the whole goal being to eliminate their need for surgery. They would have 1st degree burns from head to toe, vommitting up the wazoo (what's a wazoo?), chumped up in bed dead-tired all day, with not a hair on their body. But by George! as much as they would be suffering, that darn cancer would be suffering all the more. That cancer would be running like a pack of devils into a swine herd. Yes! be thankful I'm not your doctor.

I am irritable and tired today. Be thankful you don't have to be around me today. Drugs have an amazing ability to adjust the additude. It is to my discredit that it usually seems to be a downward adjustment. The remedy for this is scripture. I have considered the arguments from Christians who say that Christians should never be sick, never be downcast, never have any problems. I hartily refute such thoughts. Those people have never read the Psalms, or Job, or a host of other Bible characters. One of my favorite Psalms is 88 (along with 39, 42&43, and 77). In it we see someone who is utterly afflicted, and yet he asks the hopeful questions "Shall they lovingkindness be declared to the grave? or they faithfullness in destruction?" It seems to me that the answer to these questions is No. But the hope is that as a believer, my final resting place is not the grave, nor will I see ultimate destruction, but I will live forever in glory in heaven. That is enough for me to know.

2nd Post of the Day. Pictures.

With my luck, the link to the big ol' radiation machine that I posted below will fail and everyone will wonder why I posted a bad link. Anyway, the below image is a picture of a radiation machine, which just happens to be one at Spectrum Health, where I go. The picture's not of me. If anyone wants to photoshop me in there, feel free. I'd get a kick out of it. So 7 more treatments left. I'll have you know, sometimes I feel like I know better than my drs and other professionals at the center. I had to fight with my dr on Tuesday to continue my treatment to the end. He was worried that it would do to much damage to my system, and I was worried that by cutting treatment short by 2 days that I would not get the Best Possible Outcome. So I got him thinking about what else he could do. Finally he decided he could target just a small area that is the most critical area, which would allow him to spare radiation from other sensitive areas. I was pleased with that. So my radiation / chemo will continue until through then end of next week.

I also am finally realizing that my dietitian is competent! Wow! I've been fighting my dietitian to help me get rid of the cancer. Her goal for the longest time was fighting side-effects. My goal is to get better. These are opposing goals. Side-effect require eating refined flower, bland stuff, stuff that's totally not healthy. Getting better requires that I eat fresh fruits and veggies and whole grains and the likes. Anyway, I got my dietitian to agree that I'm right, and so she's calmed down on her side-effects treatments and we compromised. That is great news! I am learning to fight to get my way, which is what I need to do. All these professionals are good, smart and all, but they need to work with me to accomplish My goals, and not Theirs. They are in it for the short term. I am in it for the long term.

2 New Posts today

I have to write two new posts today since I haven't written for nearly a month. That's because I still don't have the internets at my parents home.