What's up?

This is a quick update that I might not be able to finish because relatives will be coming in the door any minute and I'll have to switch focus. I'm in New Mexico, sitting at an iMac, or something of the sort, which is not my usual habit. I have mornings free and have been doing some reading. So what am I doing and thinking about with all this spare vacation time?

An interesting book I found around the house: RC Sproul, The Consequence of Ideas. I'm reigniting my interest in philosophy, including my long-standing love of Aristotle, who I have little knowledge of, so it's a rather unfounded love. But I think it's reasonable anyway. Make sense of that and if you disagree, well, whatever. Tell me I don't make sense. I'm not forcing you to read or agree. Ummmm. . . . other various philosophers / theologians are also on the table. If you have a favorite, tell me and maybe I'll add him to the list. Alvin Plantinga anybody?

Next thing, I have to think of a topic for tomorrow. I've been invited by one of the science teachers here to make a guest appearance in his class, which means I need something interesting to appear with. I'm looking into a little demonstration of making nylon, but I need the right materials. (for the chemists out there, it seems that it is an interfacial condensation polymerization that will be taking place. Some argue that the term condensation reaction is not exactly correct, but it remains in the chemistry texts for historic purposes. I'm not a chemist. I'm not sure).

Finally. . . I'm still looking for cookie recipes to impress the friends and relatives with over Christmas. Some of you may have commented on favorite cookies on facebook. This is your opportunity to post the full recipe below!! (since there's room, which there isn't necessarily on FB). Last week it was Snickerdoodles, but I'm trying to find somebody who knows what those three layer brownies are that I've been looking for but haven't found.

Maybe another update or two before I leave New Mexico. That all depends on how much time I'm not spending reading, puzzling, or knitting (hehe), or watching movies, going out for coffee, whatever else in between. I look forward to seeing all my Michigan friends when I get back. For the rest of you, common over to michigan. It's a better place than wherever you're at ;-)

Not forgotten, just busy

Hi All,

You might have thought I forgot about my formerly faithful blogging habits. I have not. Truth is, there's not much interesting to report on my health status. I suppose it has been 4 weeks since I finished up chemotherapy. That's pretty exciting! Praise God for that! (there are few things in live not to praise God for, but this one may deserve particular attention, for me anyway). So I've been at full strength for the last three weeks and am enjoying it heartily! Unfortunately, there are many other things that take away from the joys of life, such as other people dying of cancer at young ages. Yuck! It stinks to think about. But I know some of them from a distance, and it's very disturbing to me. I still believe that God has a purpose for it. Life is NOT about escaping from suffering. God is found most closely IN suffering. e.g. our salvation was only made possible by the suffering of our risen Savior. How cool is that!!

So what am I going to do now? Well, on Monday, I look forward to a PET / CT scan. That will perhaps show my doctor what sort of, if any, treatment I need next. I'm hopeful that I won't need Any! That's why I'm exercising, doing fun things, eating healthily for the most part, enjoying life, and not thinking about disease. Some of these things might be helpful in staving it off. Oh, and my theory that eating a carrot and a sweet potato per day may keep the doctor far away ;-) (carrots must be chewed carefully these days and usually take me about 1/2 hour to eat!)

And next week I'm off to see my awesome relatives in New Mexico! That will be great times! I need to bring a book or two while they all teach during morning and afternoon. It will be good relaxing time while I catch up from all the later activities of the previous day. I think I asked for book suggestions in previous posts, so I won't ask again. Besides, I have 10 books that I'm actively / passively reading right now. Wohoo!

Well, that takes care of my duty to up date you all in a new post. Perhaps I will write of my experiences in NM, or I will wait till I get back. Stay tuned for some health updates in about 2 weeks when I see my doctor next.

The end

Picture

This post has nothing to do with me or my health, except that I took the photo, and I was healthy when I did it. Unedited.

To Do List

I will share one of the basic pieces of my life: I have a to-do list. I'm a procrastinator, and a disorganized one at that. On my to-do list for the week is to write a blog entry. But just because it's on the list doesn't mean it gets done this week. I might just get moved every week to the next week until I decide to just neglect it forever. I'll come back to this. . .

An update on my health: I feel grand! Good as ever. Unfortunately, my white blood count is too low, so I haven't had a treatment session for about 4 weeks. Next week I will probably be healthy enough for another treatment. I'm eager to get these done with. I should have only 3 more left. But that's not something I'm focusing on. I'm eager to be disease free, and so far it seems that that's where I'm heading. Not that it's a guarantee, or that it will stick around even for the next 3 months after treatment. But I'm hopeful. Thanks to all who have and are praying. I suppose what I heard from some source (sorry I don't remember who to give credit to), that the reason it's good to have many praying is that when God answers that prayer, many can rejoice in his goodness. Of course that assumes that you're praying the right prayer. God may not choose to answer it in a way that makes you immediately want to rejoice. But that becomes your problem and not mine ;-)

Back to my to-do list. Entry 3 for the week says "Volunteer Search". That's my sloppy way of telling myself to "look for someplace to volunteer, make yourself useful maybe once a week, in something that you enjoy". A few people have offered suggestions already -- Rest Haven, Spectrum, Kent County Jail, PRC. Thanks to all for those ideas. If you have any other ideas, I'd love to hear them. Or if you have specific ideas for what to do with the aforementioned facilities, let me know that too. I'm quite serious about this, even if I do procrastinate on it for a few more weeks. I'm curious to begin exploring my options.

That's it for now. All you silent stalkers, this is the time to comment and make yourselves. I look forward to the input, or random comment, whichever you like!

On Government Doles

I'm not one who likes to take money without working for it, but these days, I reluctantly find myself on multiple government doles (check my usage :-). Disability insurance (non-government), social security, and unemployment. And no, it isn't considered double-dipping, else I wouldn't be posting it. It works out to be enough to get me by. Anyone who's been out of work for more than a few weeks knows how dull and undesirable a state that is. Add to it chemotherapy and it becomes 100x worse. But I'm hopeful to return to a "productive roll" in society at some point in the near future. Not that I consider myself unproductive at the moment. It's just a type of productivity that doesn't and shouldn't pay.

Waiting

I'm still waiting for my old computer to boot up. I've been working on it for two weeks now. Without my computer, it's pretty hard to write new posts. But here goes on an other computer. Life is complicated. I don't need to say it again. You all know what I'm talking about if you've lifed on earth for more than 5 seconds. But some of us experience it differently, and some of us are asleep at the wheel and just don't realize it. I don't think I ever realized it like this before. I think it's my general disposition to being positive, whatever that means. But I really don't think about all the troubles and complicating factors of my life, except last week when sailing looked like a lot of fun but I couldn't do it because water and I don't agree with each other anymore. But complications are all around me. I'm really not talking about the computer issue anymore. That's just a minor blip. It doesn't even count. Not having a computer allows me time to think about life, work on organization (there's no place to step in my room -- that's because I'm organizing junk that has been stowed away for decades), and work on friendships. These things are all much more enjoyable than email, facebook, and all other sorts of digital entertainment. But the complicating thing is that without reliable access to a computer, the job front is hard to work.

It's been two full weeks now since my job dissolved right in front of me, like that candy I'd been saving since Easter that turned out to be hollow once I'd sucked away at the outer layer for a few minutes. There just wasn't anything left after the initial excitement. But perhaps that's life with a health crisis. I never know what to expect. There are so many things to do in order to try to maintain my professional life -- all of them require a computer. Okay, most of them. I've rediscovered the joy of libraries, though, which help me get by without logging on to the internet. So many magazines to browse that I never would have picked up before. Including the business journals, which, I presume, are there to help me find new local work to do. I'm searching for ideas. Trying to figure out what the next business problem will be so I can solve it. Unfortunatly, that kind of big thinking isn't for me. So most likely I am still looking for tradional work. But we will see where that leads. It's been so long sice I have had to think about making professional cold-calls on people. I used to find that fun, but I don't remember how to find that enjoyment out of it anymore. Perhaps that has gone, along with my former health. But I have not choice. I need to make it fun, otherwise I won't be doing it.

For now, though, I'm waiting out the simple life. I'm not eager to get to the more complicated things. Today, painting; tomorrow, a day of rest; Monday the pressure to get back to a high-tech world will come back around and I'll have to get to that computer, but for now, just a few minutes at a borrowed computer because I was compelled to write, then back to old fashion life. I can't wait!

how's that?

Sometimes I find myself checking my blog, looking to see if there's a new post. There never is? And then I remember that it's my job.

Dear friends, relatives, loved ones, and all those I don't know who still bother to read this

I'm addressing this to everyone. I'm not sure why some of you read it, especially those in the last catagory (of those I don't know). It's 11:30p. Why am I writing? Giddiness perhaps. I've been overly socially stimulated today, and I just don't feel like going to bed. I've decided, like Wooster, to by a Banjolele. Anyone know where to buy one or how to play one? Any insights are appreciated.

I suppose what I really need to say is, I feel great, just a week and a few days after surgery. Thanks for all those who dropped in, thought of me, or prayed for me. The opperation went well. The doctor was pleased. And the nurses loved me (I guess I'm an easy patient to take care of. They even wrote me a nice note when I got home. I wish I could follow up with some of them. They are lovely folks and many of them in quite the right profession). Right, so I feel great. In fact, I forgot I was post-op and started doing some heavy lifting only to be reminded by a big of a pain sensation that I have stitches running up and down my belly -- 3 layers of stitches and "steri-tape" on the outer dermal layer to keep the skin together without stiches. This is all very intreguing to me. I believe the higher incisions bleed a little more than the lower incisions. My last post went into that incision thing in a bit more details, but I believe that some locations are more prone to bleeding than others. Sorry to all those who find this boring.

It is official. Next week I'm going to Chicago to finish things up. Anyone there who wants to see me should be sure to contact me as I'm sure I'll be in great demand :-) Who knows when I might be back there again.

I had better stop writing now, as I think I'm making little-to-no sense as it is so late. Thanks to all my faithful readers. Good night!!

He must increase, and I must decrease

I have been learning a lot through this long illness. In discussing with my mother this afternoon, I have realized that rather than being the most miserable days of my life, these have been some of the Best days of my life -- Days that I wouldn't trade for anything.

Yes, I have incision scars up and down my entire front side, and other places that will go unnamed. Yes, I have an odd appearance such that I will never take feel terribly comfortable in the pool again (I can still dig sand holes and build sand palaces). But these are beside the point.

I have never known friendship the way that I know it now. In the past, my life has been distracted by school, then grad school, then work, then financial worries, and all the cares of this life. I tried to put together a social life in Northern Illinois, but I don't count myself as successful. Everyone was too busy, too far apart, and I'm just not an organizer. Now that I'm in Grand Rapids, I really feel like I have an understanding and an excitement for life. I'm bound and determined to get through this, and rather than sit around, I have more things to do in a day than I could ever imagine. More people to see, more people to write to, more things to think about. I can't even imagine how I get it all done.

I am so thankful for the friends that I always knew that I had, but have come out of the woodwork now that I've made myself more accessable (read: being a local again), who have shown me love and care, who have gone out of their way to do things for me, or just to talk about whatever happens to be on the mind. I feel a true freedom to have real friends and be a real friend. I'm learning what it means to be a friend as I think about what I would like to have in a friend. This has been amazing for me.

Don't think that the only think I'm thinking about is people though. This is like one of those revelations that I had when I finally finished school -- I have Free-time. No one is demanding anything of me. I can learn to write, I can journal, I can find new things to do like drawing, and planting, I can take university classes, and . . . who knows what I'll do. I'm even thinking of starting some sort of money making venture, or volunteer projects for the mean time, for the duration of my sickness.

I am so ready to get better. It may take a while, but I have plans, and I have time to make use of those plans. This is a feeling I've Never had before. Again I say, this is absolutely amazing. I should like to thank each of you individually who have made me think such grand thoughts by being a friend to me, and maybe I will. I hope that I can recipricate.

I truly believe this is God's doing, so that he can prioritize my life in the way that it should be, and not just in the way that I want it to be. I obviously was never able to figure that part out for myself. I am much happier now than I have been my whole life. Praise God with me!

Most recent stay

This most recent hospitalization was not so fun. Mayo has a lot of cool nurses, but I can't say that I really got attached to any of the Spectrum Butterworth nurses, except for the last night and morning I had some cool ones who just hung out and talked for a while. Those are the best -- the ones who make time to interact and tell stories and whatnot and care about who their patients are. Yes, they are all competent nurses, but some of them are only concerned about my immediate needs and don't really care about me as a person. There's a big difference and it shows. Perhaps my attitude toward them makes a difference too. Anyway, there was nothing particularly noteworthy about the stay in general. No cranky nurses or doctors, no getting me up at 3am to stand up and take a walk. The only odd thing was that a Doc came in at 3 am and appologized for not coming in the night before. So instead he woke me at 3 am to find out how I was doing. I told him I was tired and needed some sleep and could talk to him coherently in the morning. He kind of understood. I don't know why docs make their rounds at 3am.

I did have some wonderful visitors. Thanks to everyone who stopped by. I understand that midweek is not necessarily a good time for anyone, so no hard feeling toward any of you who would have liked to stop by but just couldn't. I was only in from Tuesday through Friday, so it was a short stay. Anyway, I really appreciated the visits and good times I had with some of you. Thanks so much!!

I'm happy that I had all this done at Butterworth. My doctor was competent and did a great job. No sense in going all the way out to MN to have a simple surgery done. I feel pretty good already. I was up and walking 2 hours after surgery and felt alright. I think I'll feel fine within the week and get back to normal activities. I've already told most of you that I'm reading a pretty cool book called Brothers and Keepers by John Edgar Wideman. I spend a couple of hours at Schulers trying to find a good new book to read. I haven't finished it as anticipated. It's about two black brothers -- one becomes an author and scholar, and the other becomes a murderer. Quite a story!

Well, that's enough for now. If anyone has a good book suggestion, I'll take it. But I won't finish this book for another month at best, so I may have quite the queue lined up by the time I'm done with this one.

Good night all!

more doctors

I've been introduced to at least 2 more doctors since the last update. These two doctors, surgeons, scare me. Neither one of them are terribly gleeful, except for the twinkle in their eye's when they eye knifes and scaples. I'm not sure if it's delight or just reflection of the room light off the shiney metal. Physical principles make it difficult to figure out just what's going on. Both surgeons think that cutting in to me is the best way to go, so I will grudgingly concur, because that's the only real choice I have. What's another scar in the crowd? I've been investigating surgical cuts, and it seems that there are a great variety to choose from based on the surgeons chosen target. Most of them are vertical (standing up; they are all horizontal when lying down), but some are horizontal. Most physicians seem to stay away from diagnals and arcs, although sometimes they are handy too. My doc want to go laproscopic -- 3 rather small incisions that will let me go home and get back to regular activities in days, not weeks. That would be best for me, given that I probably have many surgeries that lie ahead. As I read it, every incision adds to the myriads of scar tissue already in my lower abdomin. And that makes subsequent surgeries more difficult, as the doc will have to traverse all the tissues to get where he wants to be. It all sounds very unpleasant to me.

In the world of "regular life", I was weeding and reading today. I started a new book, The Last Days of Pompeii. I think I started the first chapter before but was not intreagued. Now I am. It looks like a good book. I finally finished my last book, The Promise of Paradox, given to me by a thoughtful uncle.

So a few days have gone by

It may seem to you like months have gone by since I've written anything. To me it seems like just a few days. For those of you who don't know, I've grown a beard, trimmed it, let it go long, and now am thinking about getting rid of it until No-Shave-November comes around again. But, as with everything else in my life at the moment, is no certainty. One thing that is certain is that I have to make it through today, and I may make it through tomorrow. Even though today I feel that I could make it to 90, my oncological surgen says "not so". I live to prove him wrong. In fact I scoff at him, and so does my disease, which at least is schrinking. Although I make no claims that it is gone, even now. We gotta wait and see what test the doctor will order next to give some better resolution to the matter.

It's strange to me that the best method we have for seeing cancer traces is by looking for them. One would think there could be a blood test that shows the percent of cancer left, or the amount that has been erradicated (big word I use infrequently, sorry if I use it wrong). It seems so primative that it's just somebody's eye examining a high-tech photo. Yes, I understand these things. I'm an engineer. In engineering, we have better ways of testing for things. But alas it is not so.

You may want to know what's on my to-do list. I'm ready to share with willing readers. Today was a great week. I had cousin and aunt visiting. They left. We did fun things, like finishing "The World's Smallest 1000 Piece Puzzle". We went exploring Michigan (a favorite past-time of mine), buying art work (in the form of cards), going out to eat. I also get to spend a fair amount (20 hrs per week) working at a job that I find fun and interesting! I also have lots of energy for walking, and apparently can run to chase a dog who is crossing the street without permission. I didn't know I had that in me yet. So the energy is there when it needs to be. And naps? well, they are almost a thing of the past, except that I know they are still good for me.

And what's next for me? Well, some of you read on CaringBridge all about what's going on, some of you haven't been there yet. I may or may not have some of my liver removed. But the liver is an amazing organ -- vital. And it seems to be the only organ (besides skin) that can regenerate itself quite successfully. So my fear of having that done has subsided quite substantially. And it's possible I won't have to have it done at all after all. What I do fear is the potential of having lung surgery done. That is scary, and might leave me with a little less ability to do things when I'm done. I'm very hopeful that it will end up better than I'm expecting. So I'm hoping the lung thing will be a non-issue.

It feels like an awkward place to leave a post, but it's late, and I have to go to bed, just like any good little boy.

Motivation

Blogging has not been a regular routine for me since having had surgery. It's not the first thing I think of. What is the first thing I think of? It's getting through the day. Each day is difficult, having to deal with adjustments to life after chemotherapy, radiation, surgery, and now another bout of chemotherapy. What's different? I'll spare you the details, but basically it amounts to everything. Even breakfast is different. Oatmeal doesn't taste so good because it requires rigerous chewing to make sure everything goes down okay. It's no fun. So I've adjusted to eating eggs (which are great), toast, and other easy to chew things. My lunch routine: used to be ham and cheese sandwhiches and raw produce. Well, raw produce doesn't agree with me for now, and ham is bad, bad, bad (in my current opinion). (Today I had a delightful strawberry shortcake. . . life's not all that bad).

What else has changed? Coughing, laughing, sneezing -- they all hurt.

Driving is weird, but getting better. Sitting is weird, but getting better. Wearing anything but sweats is weird, but getting better. Some of these things will always be weird, but hopefully get to be less annoying as time goes by. Lots has changed and will stay changed. But again, I will spare the goary details.

So now what's up? Well, I'm looking forward to getting back to a semblence of life as usual. Next week I will go back to work part time. I'm quite excited. For the occasion, I'm sporting a new beard, new glasses, and some new cloths. I may even swing for some new textbooks so that I can be extra smart when I get back to work.

Well, again, it's not all bad. I get to get back to life as usual. I'm not bed-ridden, chair-ridden, ridden with chronic pain, or anything totally dehabilitationg -- just minor and major inconveniences, some of which I may be able to fix later on. I'm glad to be able to get on with life. I'm glad I have another chance. I hope to do as well or better. My life is a gift from God. I intend to live long and full and fulfil many more chapters of life before I'm finished.

There has arisen more complications with my condition. I'm happy to share it privately, but for those who want the full scoop and don't want to wait, check out Mom's writing on www.caringbridge.org/visit/adambonner

My computer forget

It's been such a long time since I've posted to this site that my computer forgot the address. I start typing:


"itsno". . . .


And naturally, I expect my intelligent IE 8 browser to fill in the rest:


"oh, do you mean itsnotH1N1.blogspot.com?"


"yes, thank you. Please take me there"


"right away, sir"



But instead I get a blank stare.


"you want to go where?? Never heard of it. You're going to have to fill me in on the details"




I tried to inform the browser that that was my site, that I had been faithfully posting to it for several months, and a lapse of a few weeks shouldn't be cause for wiping it out of it's memory. But it was too late. It had already forgotten. Now for a long regimen of retraining. How often will I have to post to keep my browser from forgetting me?

I'm begining to think that if I have too many more such conversations with my internet browser, that may be my next occasion for filing a disability claim. . .

Another post

Well, most of you know all the latest news. This is more of the auxillary blog. More faithfully posts go up on caring bridge (www.caringbridge.com/visit/adambonner), and so I don't necessarily have to post everything here. This is mostly where I post when I feel like it, which, it is apparent, is not too often.

But I do feel I must share the latest news personally. Over a week ago, I spent some very unpleasant time in an MRI machine (stop me if I've told you this before. It feels like I have). It was not something I'd like to do every day. My personal journal tells it better than I can. . .

(03/05/2010)
"A joyous day! Yesterday I sat inside the MRI donut for almost an hour listening, as it were, to the sounds of buses and trucks honking and passing at full speed, feeling their winds blowing by me, all in the comfort of the donut. Headphones were placed over my ears to play music and dampen the sound of the instrument which proved to be quite noisey.

". . . I chatted with the good doctor, who informed me that my MRI results were in already. I almost didn't want to hear the news, but we have all been praying for a good outcome, and we were reminded at prayer meeting the other night that God delights to answer our prayers with "yes", and that the Holy Spirit prays for us, and God the Father delights to answer the Spirit's prayers for us. Praise be to God! His answer was "yes". (Although we should also have been content with a "no", it would have been much harder).
No vascular involvement!
No bladder involvlment!
No prostate involvement!
This can only be the work of God! In fact, my lymph nodes have shrunk down further yet since after my CT scan. This is all very good news, and we rejoice.

Well, there it is. I figured I wouldn't be able to write it as well if I started from scratch. Don't ask me to open the rest of my journal to you . . . it's personal stuff, and I won't ask for yours either. . .

Feeling Fine but Supposed to

As many of you know who see me on a pretty regular basis, I feel fine. Frankly, I wouldn't do anything about my condition right now, except that I'm told if I don't it will kill me. I often think about how nice it would be if I could just remain in my current condition without going through surgery, as I know that surgery will only make me feel worse, and I may not recover to the same state of comfort that I'm in right now. But the risk of not doing the surgery is too great (so say the experts). So it appears that my best chance is to have the surgery, even though it will likely leave me in a state of misery that I've never known before.

As I've said, I'm feeling fine. But this is apparently not a surprise to the experts. In my reading, I find that the body responds to different kinds of cancers differently. Some cancers are really nasty, and they make you feel really sick. Other cancers do not effect the body in the same way. In my case, until Very late stage, I could generally feel in good health -- no nausia, no major discomfort. That was very intresting to me. I always had this picture that everyone in my condition was nothing but miserable all the time. That's how TV portrays it. But it's not the case.

So for those of you who want to know when it the dreaded day, it is March 23. I will fly out March 21, go in for tests and whatnot on March 22, and be admitted that evening. Then it's all downhill from there. What can I say. Sometime this week I will go in for an MRI so that the docs can "restage" my disease (I was stage III last time, and I don't think they'll downgrade me).

And what am I doing about my current state? Lots of supplements as prescribed by sister-in-law, brother, and me (based on a fair deal of research):

Omega 7
Omega 3 and 6
Calcium, Magnesium, Zinc
Vitamin D3
Tumeric
Garlic
Bioperine (helps the body absorb stuff)

The list will be added to today, I think, with Vitamins C and E. Can I handle any more than this? Not sure. I'm not sure it's doing me any good, but it makes me feel like I'm doing something about it, on top of exercise and good diet, and healthful mind exercises (reading, puzzeling, what not).

Wouldn't do anything different (part 2)

I'll get to the point of the title. As I think back about how I've been living (healthwise, that is), I really have no regrets. I seem to have done everything right. I've posted quite a bit about little dietary changes that I've been trying, and keep trying. These are great adjustments. And I've been more intentional about exercising everyday, consistently. But I've been thinking about the way that I ate and lived before this whole ordeal happened, and I'm really quite happy about it. Thai food does seem to satisfy most of my new healthy requirements for eating. So when I get back to life on my own, I do think I'll get back to that. And of course I'll add juicing to the mix. But in general, I'm satisfied that my lifestyle was pretty healthy -- exercising most days, eating right, low stress. . . you name it, I might have done it. So what will I do differently to fend off a return of this nasty disease? Maybe take up the piano? :-)

Here are the things I've been learning about staving off cancer:
1. Eating -- my new philosophy is that I have to recognize my foods as something that I could have picked, gathered, milked, hunted, or fished (I think this is the Schwarzbein Principle) (I leave red meats out entirely now, as they seem to be cancer promoters. Green tea has become my favorite drink).

2. Exercise -- 30 min per day, preferably strenuous enough to produce a little sweat.

3. Stress -- zero. I generally have figured out a way to do that, which is that I don't really remember the things that are stressful, so I don't even think about stress usually. It's a gift, methinks :-)

4. Sleep -- hmm, I used to do pretty bad at that. I guess I should improve to 9 hrs per day, enough for the old immune system to kick in over night, without becoming a sloath. All I read tells me that sleep is the time the body heals itself. Perhaps it's the time the immune system kicks out those nasty cancer cells too. Just a theory. Anyway, if I'm only in bed for 8 hrs, I figure only 7 of those are actually sleep time.

5. No number 5

6. Stress again -- I forgot that I think massages are anti-cancer, but maybe that's just the metro side of me ::-) (that's a smiling spider with 4 eyes. Sydney's going to correct me and say "spiders don't have four eyes". Get over it).

There's Adam's unscientific list of cancer provention protocol. It might have worked for me if I didn't have the FAP gene. But for me it was essentially inevitable.

7. Faith in God -- No, not a cure all, but he will get me though it.

Oh that men would praise the LORD for his goodness, and for his wonderful works to the children of men!
For he satisfieth the longing soul, and filleth the hungry soul with goodness.
Such as sit in darkness and in the shadow of death, being bound in affliction and iron. (Ps 107: 8-10)

Wouldn't do anything different

It's been a while since I've posted. A lot has happened since then. I shot off to Mayo Clinic for several days last week with my brother. Nathan did all the driving through the wet, slippery stuff. I suppose I will blame my not posting on being gone for a week. I was quite impressed by Mayo, at least in it's facade. It's composed of several beautiful towers, all connected by heated crosswalks as well as an extensive subterranian shopping center, so there was no need for us to leave the heated comforts of confinement after parking the car.

Insurance, on the other hand, was one big mess. Thank God for Nathan. Otherwise I would have had to make a $5000 deposit before seeing the doc. HMO's are a real pain, but N made it work out okay after doing a lot of phone calls. About 2 hours later we had most of it worked out and went up to wait to see the doc.
...
Half the post. . . I'm bored. Come back later to see the rest . . .

It's not H1N1

To the puzzlement of some, I've given my blog a rather strange title. I shall explain. My chummy colleagues at work already understand, so you can pass this entry by.

'Twas swine flu season, and all through the corporate world was the message, "If you have swine flu, please STAY HOME!!" Swine flu and the pigs that carry it were clearly not welcome in the workplace. Given that we all work in rather close confines, we generally know when someone is out sick, and of course as far as the rest of us are concerned, they are out with Swine flu, "Oink, Oink". It was around that time that I was starting to feel a little out of the ordinary. I needed more sleep, and ended up getting to work a few minutes later every morning and going home for lunch break for a bit to eat and a short nap each day (also unusual for me). All of this was of course not unnoticed, given our close quarters. "What's going on?", "Oh, not much," says I. "You've got Swine flu, don't you? Oink, Oink!". "Ha ha, yeah, Swine flu. Oink, Oink!" echos another. Indeed, Swine flu would not be much fun. So, of course I had to get myself checked out by the Swine flu specialist. After my evaluation and diagnosis, of course I was pleased to announce to my colleagues, with much releif, that "At least it isn't Swine flu (Oink, Oink!)." Yes indeed, it could have been worse.

Comments, anyone?

I updated the blog so that anyone can comment without having an account (my fault for overlooking that from the beginning). Feel free to leave a comment, but do leave your name, else it won't make any sense.

Taking the grand Medical Tour

After 3 months of doctors, I've experience almost every medical device and drug I could ever image. Indeed I've had what I'll call the grand tour of medicine. Over the couse, I've been looking at labels, brand names, trademarks, the latest engineering tricks. I'm a geek. I've come across Hospira, Cardinal Health, AstraZeneca, Stryker. . . you name it. Finally today I came across my first Baxter product, the Flo-Gard pumps (I've worked on them, and the tubing that goes with them!! big star for me). So I was the geek of the moment. And then I spent some time examining the prefilled syringes that I have blood thinner in. It has cool needle-stick engineering prevention (which the nurse couldn't figure out how to use and didn't bother to ask me how to do it (shame on her)). So anyway, I was excited. Finally I got to see something that I make in action, even though I didn't get to use it. With all this medical looking around, I'm hoping that sometime I come up with some new idea that I can work on designing while I'm at home since I'm looking for a good engineering project to do. I'll come up with some cool devise that everyone will want (they'll even make excuses to get sick so they can go to the hospital to use it, that's what I do). Maybe not though.

Could be any day

It's Wednesday. That's what the calender tells me. That's what everyone else tells me. It could be any day for all I can tell. What's the big deal. I wake up. I eat breakfast. I do the normal routines. I don't care what day it is. That's not to say I'm getting appathetic. No, not so. I care very much for what's going on around me, and I very much want to be a part of it for a very long time. I love life. I love the internet. I love my books. I love my friends (give yourself a pat on the back and some warm fuzzies). Life is good. God is kind to me. But with nothing to distinguish the days, they all run into each other.

I was watching a movie, The Hiding Place. I recommend it. It's very good and it might make you think. The main character Corrie is in prison during the Nazi invasion of Holland, and she keeps track of the days by marking on the walls. She notes important occasions: moving from camp to camp; her father's death, etc. Those days are important to her. The whole routine keeps her from getting lost in the monotany of every day. It makes a day important when it's passing is marked. I'm making this up. But I suppose it's important that it is one day and not another. I mark the days from the end of my first round of treatments: 12 days. It's important. I have to have my surgery 6-8 weeks after that, or else surgery starts getting worse, not better. So I guess in some sense I mark the days. Blogging marks the days. It's been 6 days since I posted last. Some of you are probably getting impacient waiting for me to write again (I have to make myself feel important). Since I started writing this post: 13 mins. Enough. Time is moving on without me.

He went shopping, big deal. . .

Yes, today I went out shopping!! on my own! Perhaps not a big deal in the world of normal people. It certainly would not have been a big deal for me a few months ago. But now, it's a big deal! The last time I got out on my own was New Year's Eve. The last time before that? a month earlier. For a time, I was utterly dependent. I could barely even be up long enough to make my own meal. Now, shopping! This is big stuff for me. There will be a time in about a month when I will again be totally dependent, but for now, I'm enjoying a little bit of freedom. What else will I do with my freedom? I don't know. We'll wait and see. My life is still filled with appointments, here, there, everywhere. I even have to get my eyes examined and my teeth cleaned. All those things have been neglected for a long time. It's pathetic, but I pat myself on the back after getting ready in the morning, after eating a meal, after paying a bill. I find these things big accomplishments. You know what I'm feeling if you've ever been down for a few weeks.

I realize I've already spent more than my allotted time talking about something seemingly so unimportant, but it's important to me, so I figured my readers would understand if I spend a small paragraph gloating about it. But that is enough for now. I long for the day when this will all be routine borningness again. Those of you who do these things every day are fortunate to be able to. Injure yourself soon if you haven't in a while and you'll find out how delightful it is to be well again too.

A new book

I've often wondered what I would do if I didn't have a job. I still wonder what I would do, since I haven't figured it out. Although technically I still have a job, I haven't worked it for the last 3 months. Now I have 2 hrs freed-up every day, and I need ideas for what I should do with my new found time. I got a new book from the Reverend called The World of Washington Irving, by Van Wyck Brooks, so that will take up some of the time. I need to take up something useful that doesn't take too much new skill or too much energy.

He may be dead, but at least the cancer's gone

It's a jolly good thing I'm not a doctor. If I were an oncologist, my patients would be in utter agony as I bombard them with radiation and overdose them with chemo -- the whole goal being to eliminate their need for surgery. They would have 1st degree burns from head to toe, vommitting up the wazoo (what's a wazoo?), chumped up in bed dead-tired all day, with not a hair on their body. But by George! as much as they would be suffering, that darn cancer would be suffering all the more. That cancer would be running like a pack of devils into a swine herd. Yes! be thankful I'm not your doctor.

I am irritable and tired today. Be thankful you don't have to be around me today. Drugs have an amazing ability to adjust the additude. It is to my discredit that it usually seems to be a downward adjustment. The remedy for this is scripture. I have considered the arguments from Christians who say that Christians should never be sick, never be downcast, never have any problems. I hartily refute such thoughts. Those people have never read the Psalms, or Job, or a host of other Bible characters. One of my favorite Psalms is 88 (along with 39, 42&43, and 77). In it we see someone who is utterly afflicted, and yet he asks the hopeful questions "Shall they lovingkindness be declared to the grave? or they faithfullness in destruction?" It seems to me that the answer to these questions is No. But the hope is that as a believer, my final resting place is not the grave, nor will I see ultimate destruction, but I will live forever in glory in heaven. That is enough for me to know.

2nd Post of the Day. Pictures.

With my luck, the link to the big ol' radiation machine that I posted below will fail and everyone will wonder why I posted a bad link. Anyway, the below image is a picture of a radiation machine, which just happens to be one at Spectrum Health, where I go. The picture's not of me. If anyone wants to photoshop me in there, feel free. I'd get a kick out of it. So 7 more treatments left. I'll have you know, sometimes I feel like I know better than my drs and other professionals at the center. I had to fight with my dr on Tuesday to continue my treatment to the end. He was worried that it would do to much damage to my system, and I was worried that by cutting treatment short by 2 days that I would not get the Best Possible Outcome. So I got him thinking about what else he could do. Finally he decided he could target just a small area that is the most critical area, which would allow him to spare radiation from other sensitive areas. I was pleased with that. So my radiation / chemo will continue until through then end of next week.

I also am finally realizing that my dietitian is competent! Wow! I've been fighting my dietitian to help me get rid of the cancer. Her goal for the longest time was fighting side-effects. My goal is to get better. These are opposing goals. Side-effect require eating refined flower, bland stuff, stuff that's totally not healthy. Getting better requires that I eat fresh fruits and veggies and whole grains and the likes. Anyway, I got my dietitian to agree that I'm right, and so she's calmed down on her side-effects treatments and we compromised. That is great news! I am learning to fight to get my way, which is what I need to do. All these professionals are good, smart and all, but they need to work with me to accomplish My goals, and not Theirs. They are in it for the short term. I am in it for the long term.

2 New Posts today

I have to write two new posts today since I haven't written for nearly a month. That's because I still don't have the internets at my parents home.