He went shopping, big deal. . .

Yes, today I went out shopping!! on my own! Perhaps not a big deal in the world of normal people. It certainly would not have been a big deal for me a few months ago. But now, it's a big deal! The last time I got out on my own was New Year's Eve. The last time before that? a month earlier. For a time, I was utterly dependent. I could barely even be up long enough to make my own meal. Now, shopping! This is big stuff for me. There will be a time in about a month when I will again be totally dependent, but for now, I'm enjoying a little bit of freedom. What else will I do with my freedom? I don't know. We'll wait and see. My life is still filled with appointments, here, there, everywhere. I even have to get my eyes examined and my teeth cleaned. All those things have been neglected for a long time. It's pathetic, but I pat myself on the back after getting ready in the morning, after eating a meal, after paying a bill. I find these things big accomplishments. You know what I'm feeling if you've ever been down for a few weeks.

I realize I've already spent more than my allotted time talking about something seemingly so unimportant, but it's important to me, so I figured my readers would understand if I spend a small paragraph gloating about it. But that is enough for now. I long for the day when this will all be routine borningness again. Those of you who do these things every day are fortunate to be able to. Injure yourself soon if you haven't in a while and you'll find out how delightful it is to be well again too.

A new book

I've often wondered what I would do if I didn't have a job. I still wonder what I would do, since I haven't figured it out. Although technically I still have a job, I haven't worked it for the last 3 months. Now I have 2 hrs freed-up every day, and I need ideas for what I should do with my new found time. I got a new book from the Reverend called The World of Washington Irving, by Van Wyck Brooks, so that will take up some of the time. I need to take up something useful that doesn't take too much new skill or too much energy.

He may be dead, but at least the cancer's gone

It's a jolly good thing I'm not a doctor. If I were an oncologist, my patients would be in utter agony as I bombard them with radiation and overdose them with chemo -- the whole goal being to eliminate their need for surgery. They would have 1st degree burns from head to toe, vommitting up the wazoo (what's a wazoo?), chumped up in bed dead-tired all day, with not a hair on their body. But by George! as much as they would be suffering, that darn cancer would be suffering all the more. That cancer would be running like a pack of devils into a swine herd. Yes! be thankful I'm not your doctor.

I am irritable and tired today. Be thankful you don't have to be around me today. Drugs have an amazing ability to adjust the additude. It is to my discredit that it usually seems to be a downward adjustment. The remedy for this is scripture. I have considered the arguments from Christians who say that Christians should never be sick, never be downcast, never have any problems. I hartily refute such thoughts. Those people have never read the Psalms, or Job, or a host of other Bible characters. One of my favorite Psalms is 88 (along with 39, 42&43, and 77). In it we see someone who is utterly afflicted, and yet he asks the hopeful questions "Shall they lovingkindness be declared to the grave? or they faithfullness in destruction?" It seems to me that the answer to these questions is No. But the hope is that as a believer, my final resting place is not the grave, nor will I see ultimate destruction, but I will live forever in glory in heaven. That is enough for me to know.

2nd Post of the Day. Pictures.

With my luck, the link to the big ol' radiation machine that I posted below will fail and everyone will wonder why I posted a bad link. Anyway, the below image is a picture of a radiation machine, which just happens to be one at Spectrum Health, where I go. The picture's not of me. If anyone wants to photoshop me in there, feel free. I'd get a kick out of it. So 7 more treatments left. I'll have you know, sometimes I feel like I know better than my drs and other professionals at the center. I had to fight with my dr on Tuesday to continue my treatment to the end. He was worried that it would do to much damage to my system, and I was worried that by cutting treatment short by 2 days that I would not get the Best Possible Outcome. So I got him thinking about what else he could do. Finally he decided he could target just a small area that is the most critical area, which would allow him to spare radiation from other sensitive areas. I was pleased with that. So my radiation / chemo will continue until through then end of next week.

I also am finally realizing that my dietitian is competent! Wow! I've been fighting my dietitian to help me get rid of the cancer. Her goal for the longest time was fighting side-effects. My goal is to get better. These are opposing goals. Side-effect require eating refined flower, bland stuff, stuff that's totally not healthy. Getting better requires that I eat fresh fruits and veggies and whole grains and the likes. Anyway, I got my dietitian to agree that I'm right, and so she's calmed down on her side-effects treatments and we compromised. That is great news! I am learning to fight to get my way, which is what I need to do. All these professionals are good, smart and all, but they need to work with me to accomplish My goals, and not Theirs. They are in it for the short term. I am in it for the long term.

2 New Posts today

I have to write two new posts today since I haven't written for nearly a month. That's because I still don't have the internets at my parents home.